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Dear Charlie:

I am stuck in the middle of a conflict that my friends are having.  We were one big group of friends until a fight occurred and half of them don’t talk to the other half.  I am unsure of whether to take a side or stay neutral.  It is hard because they are all good friends of mine, but it is becoming difficult to make plans.  It also makes hanging out very awkward.  I kind of want to help resolve it but I feel like I may make it worse in the process.  It makes me worry about the future of our friendships.  I sometimes feel torn between them because I see both sides of the issue.

~RockandaHardPlace

Dear RockandaHard Place,

Stay out of it.  If the fight is between them, then leave it between them.  It’s not your place to fix everything.  If they don’t want to be friends, well that’s up to them.  If it starts affecting how you make plans, then tell both sides, “This is putting me in a very awkward position and I really just want to stay neutral.”  The number one thing to remember is don’t talk about either side to the other.  It’s bound to get back to them and you don’t want to seem untrustworthy.  If you weigh in on the fight in anyway, it will seem as if you are taking sides.

~Charlie

 

Dear Charlie:

Can you help me?  I’ve been hanging out with my girlfriend for a couple of months now and the problem is she is so insecure.  I like her a lot and I think that she is great, but she just never seems to believe me. She doesn’t trust me and I feel like that is bringing us further apart rather than closer together.  How do I get her to feel better about herself?

~”In-secure” Relationship

Dear “In-secure” Relationship,

Reassure her, but try to avoid getting angry at her.  She might be misinterpreting your anger as attention and you should focus on positive attention instead. Be patient with her and don’t expect her to change over night. Do nice things for her and things to make her feel less insecure but don’t cater to her insecurities.  In other words, don’t change your plans because she’s feeling needy.  This is validating her insecurity.

~Charlie

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